For many of us, we learned early in life that performing well, getting good grades, being good, being polite etc etc, all led to praise, attention and approval. Anything less that perfect was not acceptable and was met with criticism. This is crushing for a young child, who is still trying to find their place in the world. Ultimately what we are all seeking is approval for who we are, and to know we are enough and loveable as we are… warts and all!
So throughout life, when we then feel like we are not enough, we try and run from this feeling of inadequacy towards approval, acceptance and praise. For many of us this means becoming an ‘Over Achiever‘ or a ‘Perfectionist‘. Both are highly destructive, because we are always chasing and striving for something. Quite frankly it is exhausting…. emotionally and physically. I work with so many women who are struggling with anxiety, depression, low energy, IBS and adrenal fatigue. All because they are pushing their body and themselves too much.
I love the author Brene Brown because her work changed me! Strong words, but so true.
“Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame…. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it’s often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.”
We know this quote is true, research proves its true, but yet we are still stuck on that hamster wheel of pushing through pain, tiredness and emotional heartache – because at all costs we must achieve and we must be perfect! Why are we so attached to this? The answer is simple – because of that decision we made in childhood, with our innocent young view of the world, that achieving and being perfect was the only way to get attention and love!
Lets begin to look at where a change in belief is needed for you, so that you let go of over achievement and perfectionism. Look at the list below, can you identify yourself:
- You find it very hard to just stop, rest and be…. in those moments you can’t define what you are ‘doing’ and it makes you uncomfortable, even guilty
- You will continue working and pushing through, even when you are ill
- You struggle to ask for and accept help
- You take on too much – this is also connected with our boundaries, because there is no way we are going to admit we can’t do everything. We find ourselves taking on too much and then experience feelings of anger and resentment
- You set yourself impossible standards
- You put off starting something, because you fear failing and or not doing it well enough
- You are very focused on the outcome of things – for example, the project has to go well OR the party has to go well – you feel like the success of things is a reflection of you
- If someone has given you a task, you will always look at ways to over deliver and go above and beyond
- You secretly fear you are not good enough and being critised is very painful for you. You may even go into attack mode!
- You love (and need) feedback, it validates who you are
- As soon as you finish one task/project you are already thinking about the next thing
- You are always striving to have the perfect body, perfectly tidy house, perfect life, be a perfect wife etc etc…when you fall down in area, you feel incredibly guilty
- You can be highly critical of others….’they are so lazy’, ‘have you seen the state of their house’, ‘what do they do all day’. This is in part a defense mechanism, all people and situations are mirrors and we will criticise the things in others that we can’t accept in ourselves
So how can I help you?
Get curious about the following questions and see if you can start to identify where the need for perfectionism comes from. This is the first step in being able to release this destructive habit.
- Can you identify areas of your life, where over achievement and perfectionism has gotten out of control?
- What has been the impact for you?
- If you don’t get this under control, how will it affect your life in the future?
- Who’s approval, acceptance, attention and love were you / are you really after?
- Do you feel ready to let this go? If not why not?
- What can you start to do differently?
Over Achievement and Perfectionism is simply a choice we made to protect our younger self, when we can recognise where it came from and own that, we can then begin the process of choosing differently and releasing it.
I would love to help you on your journey and if you are ready to work with me:
- My Healing Membership (Originally called ALIGN) – A community for Sensitive Souls / Empaths / Introverts – This is the perfect healing hub to help you with your energy and emotions as you navigate all elements of life. I will help you to understand your sensitivity and energy and be able to make more aligned and conscious choices, which ultimately mean you experience more health, wealth and happiness in your life and business. There are weekly breathwork classes, 2 EFT Sessions & Energy Healing sessions every month, daily access to me, a library of over 230 EFT scripts, stacks of meditations and content to help and support you. Now more than ever we need connection with genuine, like minded people and this membership is perfect for that.
- PRIVATE SESSIONS – Whether you need support with a particular situation, achieving a big goal, or because you need someone to hold space for you as you support others, my private sessions will be perfect for you. It will give you the accountability and support you need to create the life and emotional mindset you truly desire. You’ll have my full support between sessions to ensure you’re moving forward.
If you have any questions then just let me know.
Until next time!
Intuitive Mindset Coach & Energy Healer for the Sensitive Soul – Helping you banish negativity, self-doubt & self-sabotage forever – it’s time to believe in yourself, take action and create the life you deserve.