When you think of speaking up, do you relish the opportunity to be heard, or do you feel yourself shrinking and feeling fearful?
Perhaps you envy those people who have the ability to say whatever they think and seem to have no care at all over any conflict that may arise?
Maybe you want to speak up, but instead, you find yourself thinking about when you spoke up before and how that went. For some of you this might not even be conscious any more, it may simply be a bodily response to what you perceive as a threat. Anxiety, fear, panic, wanting to run and hide, having no words, sweating, feeling sick…. your body doesn’t forget as easily as the mind!
There have been many times in my own life where I’ve been too afraid to speak up and speak out and I’ve consciously chosen to stay quiet. Sometimes this is due to fear of what might happen and sometimes this is after weighing everything up and deciding it’s just not worth it. I too would envy those brave people who stood their ground, spoke their truth and would demand to be heard. I would get so cross at myself for being so weak and pathetic, yet I still couldn’t say anything.
Lacking confidence to speak up can be very common amongst sensitive souls and amongst those who have experienced trauma in their life. Speaking up, sharing their truth, being the centre of attention, and risking conflict can make them feel so unsafe. The body and mind can go to worst case scenario and their emotions will over ride all rationality and logical. The fear is real.
Understanding what this is really about, where it stems from and having the right support in place as you heal that part of you and as you navigate change in your life, is key. Not only do I fully understand your challenges, because this was my own reality for most of my life, but I also have many tools to help you move past this… the same tools I’ve used to help me find my own voice!
Having the courage and conviction to speak up, even when we’re scared is a game changer. It’s not always easy, but it can be done. If we want to stand for something, make a difference, or simply change the dynamics in our relationships, we need to find our voice and we need to speak up. This is where such a simple freedom lies….one we all deserve.
Finding your voice is something I feel very passionate about, because I know what it’s like to hold back, not be heard and just decide that silence or conformity was easier and safer. If now is the time to find yourself and your voice again, then start with the two resources below:
- Guided mediation to help you Find Your Voice & Speak Your Truth
- EFT Script to bring in confidence when it comes to speaking and sharing your truth. You’ll feel confident, courageous and safe!
If this post and this topic has resonated for you, and you feel ready to give more focus to your own inner healing and self-care, then just know my support is available to you and that you’re not alone.
Until next time!
Helping sensitive souls to embody self-care, self-acceptance and self-belief
The following are some of the most common questions I get asked about people never listening to you. If you have a question of your own, you’re welcome to drop me an email.
Why don’t I have the confidence to speak up?
There could be a number of reasons that you don’t have the confidence to speak up. For some people it starts in childhood; they were never given the space to be heard, or it just wasn’t the done thing in their family. The old saying ‘children should be seen and not heard’ was probably very commonly said. For some they could have experienced negative consequences, or trauma from speaking up. If you knew that you risked being judged, criticised, shouted at, abandoned or rejected, you’re very unlikely to feel confident in speaking up later in life. It would take self awareness and healing to move past this. Finally some people remember speaking up at work and it not going as they hoped, perhaps they were made to feel stupid or incompetent, so next time they think twice before sharing.
How do I get confidence to speak up?
There are lots of things that you can do to regain or build confidence:
- Engage in talk therapy, hypnotherapy, EFT or trauma work etc to understand why you lack confidence and what you are potentially afraid of.
- Start speaking up in situations where you feel safe, small groups maybe, or with a friend. This allows your body and mind to know that it’s safe to speak up and nothing bad will happen. The more you do this, the easier it will become.
- Some people choose to join clubs, groups and courses that practice public speaking and being more confident. This would be very helpful if speaking up was more connected with your work or business.
- When I’m speaking in front of a big group, or I want to share some important feelings with another, I take a breathe, I ground myself, I imagine a bubble of love all around me and then I speak. It settles my mind and nervous system so I feel calm and confident.
What does it mean to speak with confidence?
This can include many things, for example, your voice is strong, a steady pitch, tone and volume. You are able to clearly articulate your knowledge or your feelings without rushing, jumbling things all together or forgetting what you’re saying. We all have moments where we’re not as clear and articulate as we would like to be, so don’t aim for being perfect.