Everyday I see amazing women censor themselves and hold themselves back because they fear expressing their truth and using their voice. Old programming and fear, is telling them that something bad will happen if they speak their truth – conflict, rejection, judgement, criticism, not being heard, humiliation, not getting what they want, or potentially hurting another.
All of that energy becomes blocked in their throat, impacting them on a physical and emotional level. Tense jaw, anxiety, throat issues, coughs and irritations, digestive issues, autoimmune challenges and of course that horrible sense of frustration. It feels easier and safer to turn that frustration inwards and so then they struggle with feeling weak, pathetic, insignificant and invisible.
Not speaking up, or not speaking your truth, can have a huge impact on how you feel about yourself and how you show up in your relationships. People pleasing sneaks in, loose boundaries are in place and you begin to resent those around you for not truly hearing you. It also feels harder and harder to ask for what you truly want and need. Much easier to compromise and conform, except a part of you is lost in choosing this. Disconnection to yourself is happening; not being sure who you are, what you want, or what you believe in.
When it comes to work, you fear you have nothing of value to say or share, no skills that people could possibly want or benefit from. You want to speak up about what you believe in, but the fear of people disagreeing, or being bullied or trolled stops you from shining too brightly. It doesn’t feel safe and it doesn’t feel worth it to you. You decide to settle for less that you deserve and maybe even convince yourself that this is enough for you.
Everything becomes distorted. BUT, I want you to know that it doesn’t have to be this way, change is always possible.
Finding your voice is something I feel very passionate about, because I know what it’s like to hold back, not be heard and just decide that silence or conformity was easier and safer. If now is the time to find yourself and your voice again, then start with the two resources below:
- Guided mediation to help you Find Your Voice & Speak Your Truth
- EFT Script to bring in confidence when it comes to speaking and sharing your truth. You’ll feel confident, courageous and safe!
If this post and this topic has resonated for you, and you feel ready to give more focus to your own inner healing and self-care, then just know my support is available to you and that you’re not alone.
Helping sensitive souls to embody self-care, self-acceptance and self-belief
The following are some of the most common questions I get asked about boundaries. If you have a question of your own, you’re welcome to drop me an email.
Why do people struggle to speak the truth and censor themselves?
For some people the truth can feel very scary to reveal. They might feel very vulnerable in sharing who they really are, what they believe in and what they think or have done. I’m sure you can bring to mind some people in your own life, who make you think twice about sharing. The key is understanding what your fear is around speaking your truth. Are you worried about being judged, rejected, criticised, abandoned, left out or even made to feel guilt and shame. It’s easy to see why some people would prefer the easier and safer option of keeping quiet. Even though it constantly nags at them.
Is it harmful to avoid the truth and to engage in self-censorship?
Nothing is ever just black or white, so sometimes we need to consider the consequence. For example, while I would love to say that speaking your truth will be accepted by all your work colleagues, friends and family, I know that would be a lie. We have to assess each situation and person accordingly. However, what I would say is that those closet to us and those we spend the most time with, should be able to receive our truth. Unfortunately this might not always be family, but that’s why it’s so great that we get to choose our friends. If you don’t feel able to share your truth with friends, perhaps it’s time to ask yourself why. Is it because of your friends, or because you don’t actually approve of your own choices!
What is the impact of not speaking your truth and choosing self-censorship?
Over time you end up losing yourself and living a half life. You will find that you make choices and take action based on what keeps you safe and keeps the peace. You’re living life on someone else’s terms and this can lead to you feeling very disconnected from yourself. You find yourself compromising on your values and beliefs, you stay in toxic relationships because it’s become normal to adapt yourself to meet their needs, you lose friends and work can become more challenging. No one really knows what you stand for and if you would be willing to fight for what you believe in….. this is not the kind of team member I would want on my team! You also find that you’re filled with resentment, anger and envy. You feel like people don’t listen, but perhaps you’ve forgotten how to speak up and you’re jealous of people who say whatever they want, when they want.