It’s a question I often used to ask. I would then run through my usual checklist – did I get enough sleep last night, am I drinking enough water, am I eating well. Often the answer to all these questions was yes and yet I was puzzled, because I was still feeling tired…why?? Yes I am a mum and tiredness comes with the territory, but this was more than tiredness, this was pure exhaustion.
I had a moment of clarity when I read a book by Brene Brown called ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’ and she talks about life being exhausting when you are living in-congruently. I took a long hard look at what was important to me and realised that there were parts of my life where I was doing almost the opposite of what I valued most.
- I wanted authentic connections with people, but I was scared to be vulnerable and be the real me, in case they rejected who I was. I felt happier living under a mask, because that felt safe!
- I valued growth and contribution to causes bigger than me, but I was afraid of taking the next step in case I failed. It was much easier to procrastinate and sit with the frustration and anxiety of a business that wasn’t growing at the rate I knew it could.
- I valued choice and freedom, yet in an attempt to gain love, connection and approval from others and what I thought would be an easier life, I would compromise myself, and my beliefs. I can assure you it only led to resentment and pain.
All of these things were about me being afraid and not having a clear sense of identity. It was leaving me exhausted as I was trying to be all things to all people. I often heard myself say ‘I don’t know who I am anymore’, but I didn’t know what to do with that statement. I just assumed that it was part of being a mum and at some point it would sort itself out. Just so you know… it doesn’t work like that, it will not sort itself out unless you make a conscious decision to tackle that question head on.
Not knowing who you are affects every part of your life, your intimate relationships, your friendships, your family, your kids, your career, your hobbies, your confidence, your self-esteem and your sense of worthiness. You get frustrated and angry at everything and with everyone, because you feel like no one understands you, or is listening to you. When in reality you don’t understand you, and you are certainly not listening to you. Reclaiming your sense of identity will change your life forever. You will have the energy, passion and enthusiasm to live your ideal life and make the choices that best reflect who you are.
To start exploring the question ‘who am I’, can seem completely overwhelming. Where do you start? What defines identity anyway? Everyone’s opinion will be different, but for me simple questions work best:
- What do you value most in life?
- When do you feel most alive?
- What do you like to do for fun?
- What makes you truly happy?
- What are your 5 top strengths?
- What does your ideal life look like?
The journey to self discovery can at times be challenging, it can make you question every belief and thought you have ever had. I can honestly say without reservation that I would not change a thing about my ‘identity’ journey. You cannot become the best version of yourself without navigating the challenges of life. The people, experiences and traumas we have along the way are what make us unique and special, its what allows us to show up authentically and make a difference in other peoples lives.
This is not a journey you have to navigate alone, click here to find out how I can support you further.
Until next time!
Helping you banish negativity, self-doubt & self-sabotage forever – it’s time to believe in yourself, take action and create the life you deserve.
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