I want to share about the importance of self-care when it comes to engaging in this decision making process about your relationship, especially when you’re a people pleaser with a sensitive and empathic disposition.
For people pleasers, we’re often in a fight or flight mode, we can be hyper vigilant and our nervous system are often dis-regulated… so to make the right decision, based on our truth and not fear; we have to be regulated. In basic language, feeling safe, calm and confident in our choice, knowing that this is 100% what we want and what is right for us. Otherwise we risk making a decision that is about creating safety, which often means keeping everything the same, because while it could be toxic, at least we can predict what will happen. There is a warped sense of safety in that.
So self-care is about regulating the nervous system first and foremost, which is why things like EFT, Breathwork, Energy Healing and Meditation are part of what I offer. You can talk about a situation until the cows come home, but if the nervous system is dis-regulated, a change in your thinking or taking action is very unlikely, you’ll just talk yourself around in circles and go back to what feels familiar. From this place you’ll feel moments of relief, but nothing really changes; hence getting stuck for years in a situation or pattern. This is true whether you choose to commit fully to a relationship (more coming on this, because staying is not the same as committing) or to walk away.
Self-care is about focusing on you, so that should you choose to leave a relationship, you already feel good about your new life and about yourself. AND, if you stay, you become the best version of you!
Without self-care, you could stay for the wrong reasons!
- Imagine doubting yourself so much and fearing abandonment, that you feel like you couldn’t do life alone.. so you stay!
- Imagine believing that the only way to provide for yourself and your children was to stay with a man….so you stay!
- Imagine feeling like your opinion, preferences and voice is so insignificant that not being heard or valued is normal and that you should be grateful for what you have… so you stay!
- Imagine believing that you were fundamentally flawed and that no one else would want you… so you stay!
- Imagine feeling that you don’t know yourself, you don’t have friends, a social life or anything that you enjoy doing, leaving would make you feel alone… so you stay!
- Imagine feeling that your body, is fat, ugly or flawed and because of that you hate your body and think no one else would find you attractive.. so you stay!
All of these thoughts can consume the mind and trick you into thinking the only option is to stay, that this is the safer option for you. In fact these beliefs and thoughts are just highlighting the inner work that needs to be done as part of the process of making this big decision.
When you work with me, we’ll be working on everything within you, mind, body and soul… so you know that the decision you make is 100% the right one for you.
If you stay, you’ll be a better version of yourself. Hopefully within a beautifully committed relationship.
If you leave, you’ll be a better version of yourself. Knowing that you’re not taking your old baggage and wounds to your next relationship.
Win Win!
If you have any questions, then get in contact and if you’re ready to become the best version of you, then let’s begin this adventure together.
Huge love
Marie
