Why am I so tired

Why am I so tired? It’s a question I often used to ask myself, especially when the exhaustion became overwhelming.

I would then run through my usual checklist – did I get enough sleep last night, am I drinking enough water, am I eating well. Often the answer to all these questions was yes and yet I was puzzled, because I was still feeling tired…it didn’t make sense??  Yes I am a busy mum and tiredness comes with the territory, but this was more than tiredness, this was pure exhaustion.

I had a moment of clarity when I read a book by Brene Brown called ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’ and she talks about life being exhausting when you are living in-congruently. I suddenly realised I was not in alignment with myself and I was always putting other people and their needs or happiness before my own..

• I wanted authentic connections with people, but I was scared to be vulnerable in case they rejected who I was. I felt happier living under a mask, being who they needed me to be, because that felt safe!
• I valued growth and contribution to causes bigger than me, but I was afraid of taking the next step in case I failed. It was much easier to procrastinate and sit with the frustration and anxiety of a business that wasn’t growing at the rate I knew it could.
• I valued choice and freedom, yet in an attempt to gain love, connection and approval from others and what I thought would be an easier life, I would compromise myself and tolerate behaviour from others that overstepped my boundaries and my beliefs. I can assure you it only led to resentment and pain. Resentment is an exhausting energy to hold onto.

All of these things were about me being afraid and not having a clear sense of identity.  It was leaving me exhausted as I was trying to be all things to all people. I often heard myself say ‘I don’t know who I am any more’, but I didn’t know what to do with that statement. I just assumed that it was part of being a mum and at some point it would sort itself out. Just so you know… it doesn’t work like that, it will not sort itself out unless you make a conscious decision to tackle that question head on.

Not knowing who you are affects every part of your life, your intimate relationships, your friendships, your family, your kids, your career, your hobbies, your confidence, your self-esteem and your sense of worthiness. You get frustrated and angry at everything and with everyone, because you feel like no one understands you, or is listening to you. When in reality you don’t understand you, and you are certainly not listening to you. Reclaiming your sense of identity will change your life forever. You will have the energy, passion and enthusiasm to live your ideal life and make the choices that best reflect who you are.

To start exploring the question ‘who am I’, can seem completely overwhelming. Where do you start? What defines identity anyway? Everyone’s opinion will be different, but for me simple questions work best:

• What do you value most in life?
• When do you feel most alive?
• What do you like to do for fun?
• What makes you truly happy?
• What are your 5 top strengths?
• What does your ideal life look like?

The journey to self discovery can at times be challenging, it can make you question every belief and thought you have ever had.  I can honestly say without reservation that I would not change a thing about my ‘identity’ journey.  You cannot become the best version of yourself without navigating the challenges of life. The people, experiences and traumas we have along the way are what make us unique and special, its what allows us to show up authentically and make a difference in other peoples lives.

It’s no secret that I love my life and I feel that I’m living my dream right now. I’m happier and healthier than ever, I know myself like never before, I’m speaking up, I know exactly where I’m heading and every day it feels like life is expanding in amazing ways. I’m a long way from that bone weary exhaustion that used to plague my life!

This is not a journey you have to navigate alone, I’m here to support you if you need me. Take a look at some quick practical tips below:

• Are you drinking enough water – we generally need 1.5/2 litres a day and more if we’re sweating or exercising

• Are you getting enough quality sleep? It’s one thing to go to bed at a decent time, but are you sleeping, enjoying deep rejuvenating sleep and waking refreshed? If you struggle to sleep then this audio might help.

• Are you eating nourishing foods that give you energy and don’t slow down or clog up your digestive system?

• Are you supplementing your diet with things like, B complex (or at least B12), D3, Magnesium, Ginseng, or Ashwagandha – each of us needs something different and that’s why I love Kinesiology, I get to test your body for exactly what it needs

• Try taking a bath with magnesium flakes

• Take some time alone with no pressures on your time or energy. Staying at home and hoping you won’t get interrupted doesn’t work, your body will not fully relax.

• Enjoy a long walk in nature.

• Slow everything down, worry about the next task when the one you’re on is complete.

• Delegate to others and ask for help.

• Be mindful of the type of exercise you’re doing. Sometimes a hard workout is the last thing our body and adrenals need – choose something more mindful and slow.

• Set some loving boundaries with people about what you can and cannot do for them. We teach others what to expect by what we do for them and sometimes the rules have to change. They won’t like it and they might push back (making you feel guilty is a big one) but you were not put on this earth to serve others at the expense of your own needs and well being.