Is today the day I finally decide to leave my marriage or relationship?
Am I ready to make the decision to leave?
Waking up and asking yourself this question each and every day is exhausting. The day starts with confusion, hopelessness and just wishing that you had a partner where this thought wasn’t even a consideration.
From the minute you wake up your mind is going crazy thinking about all the pro’s and con’s of making that decision today and often it can feel so overwhelming and scary that it just seems easier to put it off until tomorrow. The trouble is the same thing happens the next day; before you know it, years have passed and you’re still in a relationship where you’re not fully committing, but you aren’t leaving either.
If you find yourself in this situation, get curious about why making this decision is so hard for you.
- Are your head and heart fighting against one another?
- Are you scared of doing the hard work necessary to fully commit? Being vulnerable, being honest, having difficult conversations and dealing with conflict.
- Are you worried about money, being alone and about life changing if you leave?
- Are you terrified of having the ‘conversation’?
- Perhaps you’ve totally lost yourself and need to build your confidence up again before you can make that ultimate move.
- Maybe you have unresolved abandonment issues, that bond you to toxic and unhealthy partners.
As a recovering people pleaser myself and someone who has asked myself this question several times and took far longer than I should have to decide, I do understand. It’s not about a single choice to stay or go, it’s about the years of compromise, sacrifice, coming second, not being heard, feeling unappreciated and ultimately not having the love and connection you want.
You want to believe that people can change, you think about the time you’ve already invested, you consider the kids, you wonder if there is something else you can try or do, you worry about how they will take the news and you fear how they will treat you during the separation process. And, after years of being in a relationship that has totally crushed you and caused you to emotionally shut down, you wonder if happiness is even possible.
It’s a lot!
It’s why doing the inner work is so crucial, without this you’ll be going around on the same hamster wheel forever.
When you heal yourself, know yourself and accept yourself, you’ll understand how you ended up where you are and what you ultimately need moving forward. You’ll remember that you deserve real love and happiness, not a relationship you’ve settled for and that’s slowly crushing your soul.
Remember, tomorrow is not guaranteed, so please don’t waste any more time being unhappy, unsure and unfulfilled. It’s time to either fix and commit, or quit and walk away.
Huge Love
Marie
