People never listen to me

People never listen to me

One of the reasons we can decide not to speak up, is because we have this ingrained belief that people just don’t listen to us. Often this belief is formed in childhood when our voice wasn’t heard and then it’s compounded over the years. The belief becomes stronger and stronger until it’s now a truth!

This belief (or truth) has a huge impact on the decisions you make and how you show up in every relationship in your life; with partners, friends, family, people you interact with as part of general life, and those that you connect to through work. Can you identify yourself in the following:

  • You choose not to speak your truth with someone because they didn’t listen in the past and you feel like you’re wasting your time, energy and effort.
  • You never challenge people and what they’re saying, whether a partner, friend or even someone in authority, because you believe they won’t listen anyway. Consider a doctor or other health professional, a legal expert, your children’s teacher, or even something as simple as making a complaint to someone about your food or experience.
  • Most parents complain that their kids never listen, but for you it bothers you so much more. You feel hurt, rejected, taken for granted and at times furious! There’s a strong possibility, that the child within you is finally expressing her feelings and this is about more than your kids messy bedroom or their inability to be on time.
  • Because you’ve chosen not to speak up for such a long time, it’s now become a big deal and so you feel anxious and nervous just thinking about it. The molehill has become that dread mountain and you’re not sure you’ve got what it takes to climb it.
  • You’re procrastinating and holding back when it comes to sharing how you can help people with your gifts, talents and knowledge. Projects are left unfinished, ideas are not explored, emails are never sent, content is not created. The impact is that other people are surging ahead offering exactly what you do and instead you’re watching from the shadows frustrated and angry at yourself.
  • You feel like you’re doing all the right things in your business, but no one seems to be noticing you. It’s infuriating when others say the same things as you and offer the same services/products and suddenly everyone listens and takes note. It makes you feel that the business world/on-line space is full of people with big voices and clever words, and that you’ll never be able to compete.

All of these things can make you feel invisible, completely powerless, insignificant and small. This is when we doubt ourselves and our dreams and we sabotage instead; we’re caught up in our own story and what’s possible for us. One small belief can have a huge impact. Finding your voice and confidence and feeling brave to speak up when not heard, is a huge part of self-care. It also models to others how you should expect to be treated.

I want you to know that it’s possible to change this belief, you just need to understand where it started, you need to commit to healing that inner hurt and then you need to take action. To get this process started, I’ve create a new EFT script for you to try – I’m scared to speak up – try this to see if anything resonates for you and to begin the process of finding your voice and getting people to listen. I would love to know how this belief impacts you right now.

If this post and this topic has resonated for you and you feel ready to give more focus to your own inner healing and self-care, then just know my support is available to you and that you’re not alone.

Until next time!

Marie

Self-Care Coach & Healer

Helping sensitive souls to embody self-care, self-acceptance and self-belief


The following are some of the most common questions I get asked about people never listening to you. If you have a question of your own, you’re welcome to drop me an email.

 

Why do people ignore my opinions?

This is a great question and there could be many different reasons for this. First of all, I would ask you to reflect on the people who are ignoring your opinions. You might say it’s everyone, but is that really true? When you take some time to observe and reflect, it might simply be your parents and your partner. Once you have a better understanding of who is ignoring you, then you can explore why. A simple reason might be because as their daughter or son, they aren’t used to you speaking up or knowing more than them. Secondly, consider the people you choose to have around you. Are these people who really have your best interests at heart and where you have an equal relationship/friendship. Thirdly, are you speaking up with confidence? We’re more likely to listen to people who come across as confidence and self assured. Finally, do you really know what you’re talking about when it comes to this particular topic. I say this with love and compassion, but are you weighing in with your opinions about something that you really don’t have the knowledge of.

How can I get others to pay attention to me?

It’s important to know that some people lack self awareness and are simply self-centred and there’s nothing you can do about that. They like the sound of their own voice too much. My suggestion here, would be to minimise or avoid time in their company. When it comes to speaking up at work, or with people you choose to be around, take a moment before speaking to really connect with your inner strength and what you want to say. You’ll come across more confident and people tend to pay attention to confident people. You might also say ‘ I would love to share’.

What can I do when I feel unheard?

This can feel very scary and uncomfortable, but I would invite you to share that you feel unheard with the people who you perceive as ignoring you. Give them a chance to fix things. Depending on who it is and your relationship with them, you might explain that you feel sad when you’re not given the space to express your thoughts, feelings and opinions. Just be aware that some people might get triggered by your honesty and may go into defence mode. Don’t back down, give them the time, space and opportunity to do things differently. If this feels very challenging for you, there is no need to do this face to face, you might even choose to send a letter or email.

 

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