Emotional intimacy is a necessity for sensitive empathic women in their relationships. It’s not ‘nice to have’ it’s essential, because without this we feel disconnected from our partner. We feel misunderstood, unaccepted and undervalued. Even when we’re in partnership with someone, we feel profoundly alone; the ache in our hearts is constant and pervasive, because we crave emotional intimacy more than most.
For us, emotional intimacy is what makes the relationship deep, meaningful and special; it transforms it from the mundane to the magical. This isn’t about having a fantasy view of relationships, where conflict, problems and issues don’t occur; it’s about being with someone who is willing to be vulnerable, share and have those difficult conversations with you. It’s about both people being willing to fully commit to growth, healing and being the best versions of yourself.
The sad reality is that not everyone is willing, or able to create emotional intimacy with their partner and this lack of connection can feel devastating. This is when love is not always enough and sometimes tough decisions have to be made, especially if you have repeatedly asked for this need to be met without success.
It’s so common for people to stay in relationships where their emotional needs are not being met. They convince themselves that because they are being provided for physically, that this should be enough; they have a roof over their heads, someone to raise kids with, or spend time with etc… but after a while this isn’t enough, because this is not really what they wanted from the relationship.
This is when guilt and shame can kick in and it’s easy to wonder if you expect too much. Am I too high maintenance? Am I too emotional or sensitive? Do I have unrealistic expectations?
Please know that there is nothing wrong with wanting more emotional intimacy from your relationship and no one should make you wrong for this, least of all your partner.
Communication is key, because it’s the way we stay truly connected to other people.
It’s more than just ‘reporting’ what’ been happening in your life, it’s about discussing the things that really matter. Talking about your fears, your concerns, your hopes and dreams of the future and if you’re like me, the meaning of life.
Small talk, chit chat and surface level conversation can be pleasant enough and in some cases it’s totally appropriate, but if you stay at this level with your intimate partner, it won’t be long before you run into some issues.
If you stay in the place of only reporting what’s happened, then one day you could find yourself looking at them and feeling like you don’t know them at all. Or, you could feel that they don’t know know you. The connection, trust and intimacy between you could be compromised and this leads to many more challenges.
Of course there are practical reasons why you may have slipped into small talk, but it can also be due to issues such as feeling unheard, unseen, like your opinion doesn’t matter, that your partner has no real interest in you, not receiving the support you need, not having shared values any more, or even a shared vision for the future. There can also be other factors at play, such as attachment styles in relationship, being with a narcissistic partner and even neurodiversity challenges. These can all play a part and understanding this may shed light on things, or provide a deeper level of understanding and acceptance.
Resolving this lack of emotional intimacy is so important, because emotional intimacy and open communication is often the start point for sexual attraction. Without this, your desire for the other person simply isn’t there and that’s not a great dynamic for either person. Whatever the reason for this break down in communication, I want to help you understand what is going on and to help you find your voice and express your truth.
After all, if you don’t have that level of intimacy in your relationship… does your partner really know you and do you really know them?
