We’ve all experienced that dreaded feeling of disappointment in our relationships and feeling disappointed in our partner.
Feeling let down, disappointed, even betrayed by the one person who is supposed to love and support you. You’ve given your all; sacrificed so much, and yet, the same patterns keep playing out. You’re exhausted, numb, constantly questioning your relationship, and wondering if you can keep doing this. Is it worth your emotional and physical well-being and is the other person even worth it any more?
Disappointment shakes your sense of trust, of fairness, and it challenges your view of how love is supposed to be. Worst of all; it can sometimes make you feel as if you’re expecting too much, which is very triggering if you ask for very little!
So why does disappointment keep happening to you?
If you’re naturally caring, empathetic, and highly attuned to the needs of others, you probably have high standards for yourself and how you show up in relationships. Which can mean, you often expect too much from other people. Expecting them to behave in the same way you would and this is often what leads to the feeling of disappointment; because deep down, you expect the same in return.
When your partner doesn’t meet those unspoken expectations; it really hurts you and can feel like a deep betrayal. You start to question your worth, value, or how much they even love you. In the moment, you feel rejected and abandoned and every time your partner fails to meet your expectations, disappointment builds, resentment grows and you feel more triggered.
This is where it can get tricky, because I’m going to say something that took me a long time to get my head around, so stay with me….your disappointment is not always based solely on the actions of your partner, sometimes, your disappointment is created due to your own expectations and high standards. (CAVET – I know there are people out there who experience very poor and toxic treatment from partners and in those cases, you have every right to feel disappointed and to take appropriate action.)
Let me explain further; you might have set ideals on how you would behave and what you would say in certain scenarios, because to you that shows love, caring, respect, consideration etc.. however this might not be true for your partner. The way they express things could be very different. This is when it’s healthy to recognise where your own expectations are not being met because of your preferred love language, your preference in showing care/respect/consideration, your own fears of being rejected or abandoned etc; versus, poor, toxic and unhealthy behaviour from your partner.
As you can see, it’s a bit of a minefield at times! Need help with making sense of your relationship, doing the inner work and making that big decision? I’m ready when you are.
Always ensure you’re choosing to be in a relationship with the person in front of you, and not with the potential of who you wish they would be?
