For women who are naturally compassionate, sensitive, and empathic, being understanding often feels like second nature. You want to see the best in others, to hold space for them, to offer support and kindness, especially when it’s your partner. But in relationships, this boundless compassion can lead to dangerous territory and compassion fatigue.
Without boundaries, you may find yourself in a one-sided relationship, constantly justifying your partner’s actions or making excuses for their hurtful words. You don’t want to see the reality in their unhealthy, unkind or toxic behaviour.
You might tell yourself that they’re just stressed, that they don’t mean what they say, or things will get better. You rationalise everything, because in your mind it’s easier to understand their pain, than to confront the ways they’re failing you. Your empathy becomes a tool for their excuses and you’re now enabling them.
Every time they lash out, ignore your needs, or dismiss your feelings, you respond with understanding; hoping that one day they’ll see how much you’ve supported them and start to appreciate you a little more. But the truth is, people-pleasing and endless compassion don’t create change. They often end up creating a pattern where you’re the giver and they’re the taker; leaving you drained and resentful.
This self-sacrificing empathy keeps you in a loop where you’re always considering their needs above your own, trying to keep the peace at the expense of your own sanity. You might fear that if you speak up or set boundaries, they’ll see you as selfish or demanding. In reality, boundaries are not selfish; they’re a form of self-respect. Without them, your compassion turns into justification for behaviour that should be addressed or challenged, not accepted… this is when we can enter the realms of being emotionally abused, which is not okay.
It’s hard to admit, but sometimes our empathy can become a trap and we end up stuck in relationships that others would have walked away from long ago. By always trying to be compassion, empathetic and understanding (the curse of being a healer or therapist) you may be overlooking your own needs and feelings. This doesn’t mean you should stop caring, but it does mean you should start caring about yourself too. Remember, a balanced relationship involves two people who show up for each other equally.
You deserve to be with someone who meets you with the same empathy, care, and respect that you so freely give.
In case you’re curious, here are some common signs of compassion fatigue:
- Emotional exhaustion – you just feel drained and overwhelmed with trying to understand and accept them. Their needs are constant and take over everything.
- Lack of empathy – after a while, you begin to feel numb. Where you would normally feel empathy, you just feel indifferent.
- Irritation, resentment or anger – you feel constantly frustrated and have a short fuse with your partner, it feels like you’re giving more than you’re getting.
- There is a lack of joy and fulfilment in life – nothing brings you excitement and you’re neglecting your own needs and happiness.
- Physically your body is screaming out at you – headaches, IBS, burn out, anxiety, auto immune illnesses and general aches and pains.
- You struggle to sleep – this is torture at times as it makes your fatigue even worse.
- You avoid intimacy and connection – the last thing you want is them taking the last few threads of energy that you have and spend more time with someone who is so focused on themselves.
If you’ve reached a place of compassion fatigue and you know things are unequal and unbalanced in your relationship, let me help.
Huge love
Marie
