Whether you’re a people pleaser or not, there’s a big difference between fully committing to your relationship, or simply choosing to stay with your partner.
Committing means you’re willing to do the hard word needed to have a happy, healthy and fulfilled relationship. This can mean being vulnerable, having difficult conversations, admitting when you’re wrong, forgiving, maybe even attending therapy together. As well as compromising, listening, supporting, being thoughtful and considerate, and making time for fun, play and pleasure.
Staying is choosing to change nothing; say nothing, do nothing and bury your head in the sand. Instead feeling anger, resentment, anxiety and worst of all numb and empty. Conversations are superficial, problems are swept under the rug, and there’s no real progress in the relationship. Growth, trust, respect and deep connection are impossible because you’re just not fully invested in the relationship, or the other person. Often you’re in a state of survival, waiting or hoping for things to get better, which they rarely do.
Fully committing to someone is about more than just being physically there, it’s about the level of emotional and mental investment you’re willing to make. When you’re committed, it’s a conscious, intentional decision to grow with your partner and work through challenges together. On the other hand, staying without full commitment can feel like living with one foot in and one foot out; you’re present in body, but not in heart and mind. Those have already checked out and now your partner only has a shell of you.
Believe me, I understand how easy it is to stay and not commit, especially if you’re a people pleaser. You don’t want to rock the boat, deal with conflict or upset your partner, but in staying without the commitment, you’re settling for so much less than you deserve. Is this really what you want for yourself?
So let me share a few things that demonstrate fully committing:
- Choosing your partner every day, not out of obligation, fear or because the alternative is too hard; but because you genuinely want to grow and build a life together.
- Doing your own inner work and healing, not just waiting for your partner to change or fix the problems. It’s about being proactive in creating a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Of course there could come a stage when your partner’s lack of commitment to the inner work forces your hand, but you’ll always know you were committed to healing and growing and so you’ll take that growth with you into future relationships.
- You understand that a healthy partnership requires open, honest communication and a willingness to be vulnerable. You no longer avoid the tough conversations or difficult emotions; instead, you face them head-on because you know they are necessary for growth. You create a safe space for both you and your partner to express your needs, desires, and concerns without fear of judgment or rejection.
- You’re not planning an exit strategy, nor are you holding back parts of yourself in case things don’t work out. You’re fully present in the relationship, willing to put in the effort to make it thrive.
- You choose to be honest, faithful, loyal and act with integrity; thereby building trust. No trust no relationship… someone may choose to stay without trust being present, but I can assure you, that’s not the same as committing.
- Making the effort and taking the time to nurture your relationship. Things like, having fun together, creating memories together, learning about each other, trying new things and prioritising intimacy.
Perhaps all of this has made you reflect on your own relationships – present and past! You may have even started to understand why you aren’t feeling happy or fulfilled in your current relationship, because your true commitment isn’t there. The question is, what do you want to do about that?
Commit or Quit?
Huge love
Marie
