Do you feel like your partner truly hears you when it comes to the big, important things in your relationship? Or does it feel like you’re talking to a brick wall; nothing is getting through?
For me, there’s a massive difference between someone listening and someone truly hearing you. Listening can be so passive, almost like lip service so they can say they’ve done their part and that they do listen to you. They might nod along, mutter “mm-hmm,” and even throw in a few words here and there. But as a sensitive soul, you can feel when someone is truly engaged or not and you notice every bodily movement, every eye inflection that shows they’re not really with you and are only waiting for you to finish.
Maybe they’re triggered by what you’re saying, they’re uninterested, they’re distracted, or they’re itching to jump in with their side, their defences, their reasons. Sometimes they might even cut you off, speak over you, change the subject, get defensive or even become visibly upset. All because you dared to bring up something that makes them uncomfortable, or that makes them have to address their own behaviour and choices.
There is also the irritating habit of constant yawning while you share, or choosing instead to focus on their phone, which leaves you alone in your vulnerability; your voice unheard again and feeling like you’re boring to them. In these moments, it’s not just words that are ignored; it’s you. You feel invisible, small, like you don’t matter. It’s crushing, especially when you were willing to open up, be vulnerable and share what’s truly in your heart or on your mind.
When we walk away from conversations like these, we feel deflated, misunderstood, and worst of all, like we’re still carrying the burden of the unresolved. That lingering hurt can chip away at your confidence, self-worth and your trust in the relationship because you know the other person doesn’t really ‘have’ you. If communication is something you value deeply, if it’s at the very core of what you need in a relationship, being unheard in this way hurts like hell and it will make you question the future of your relationship and even begin the process of ‘checking out’.
People pleasers will often stop sharing and initiating conversations when they’ve lost faith in the other person and know they’re wasting their breath. When a people pleaser becomes silent, you need to worry, because you’re already losing them.
What we crave is to be fully and deeply heard. We want to feel the space open for us; where there’s no rush to get everything out because we fear our partners limited attention span, or limited patience. We want a space where we can show up raw and unfiltered, knowing that the other person cares enough to stay, to listen with curiosity, and to ask what we need from this conversation. Maybe we need a resolution, maybe we need comfort, or maybe we just need to feel we’re not carrying it alone. The other person has our back and cares about our well-being.
For me personally, there is no relationship without depth, deep conversations, feeling heard and knowing that the person can hold my emotions. I need and want this from my partner and I accept that not everyone has the capacity to ‘go there’ or is ‘willing’ to go there. This is when we have to be really honest with ourselves about the relationship we’re in and the relationship we want.
So….
Are you talking about the big issues?
Do you feel heard?
Does it feel safe to speak up?
Are you having those deep, meaningful conversations, or is everything superficial?
Are you clear on what you want and need from this relationship when it comes to communication?
Commit or quit…. the choice is yours!
Huge love
Marie
